This past week, I had two extraordinary encounters with Jesus. At the end of her Sunday morning teaching, Marcia asked each of us in the congregation to listen for the answer to this question: “How much does God love you?” After a brief time of quiet, she asked for people’s responses. From their answers, I knew that most folks had heard something. At that point, I realized that I hadn’t heard anything; rather, I had seen something.
What I saw was an image of Jesus, standing in front of me and looking down at me. We were close enough that he was grasping my shoulders, and then cupping my face with his hands. The scene was brief, but powerful. I sensed very strongly that Jesus was completely engaged with me and in our interaction; nothing else mattered to him at that moment but me. He was completely involved with me!
I continued to think about the experience after the picture had faded. While the image was important, it was the accompanying feeling that struck me deeply. I felt a very intense sense of connection; again, the word that keeps coming to mind is “engaged.” At that particular moment, Jesus was engaged with me to the exclusion of all else. I was important to him and he wanted me to know that at the core of my being.
On Tuesday, I shared my encounter with Marcia and Paul. As I described it to them, I once again felt the intensity of that sense of engagement, of Jesus’ interest in me. It wasn’t that I was interested in him; it was that he was interested in me. It wasn’t a feeling of love or caring; it was how very sincerely Jesus wanted to be with me.
Paul was excited by my “vision” and characterized it as a mystical experience. Internally, I discounted Paul’s enthusiasm; he had taken a brief mental image and raised it to unwarranted heights. At the same time, the experience seemed valid and important. For most of my life, I’ve not been able to connect with Jesus on an emotional level. I’ve felt a sense of connection with the Spirit, and through the Spirit to God. But, I didn’t have a deeply felt, emotional bond with Jesus. The idea of a personal relationship with Jesus didn’t resonate.
On Wednesday, I shared this experience with Patricia, my counselor and mentor. As I recounted my story, I began to weep. Once again, the sense that Jesus had been totally focused on me seemed very powerful. I was keenly aware of how difficult it is for me to believe that I’m worthy of such attention.
Patricia then asked me to close my physical eyes and to open my inner, spiritual eyes. She invited me to envision an intense white ball of light, much like the sun, in the near distance. As I did so, she asked me what or who came out of that light. Once again, I began weeping. Jesus came running out of the light towards me, grabbing me under my arms and swinging me around. It was as if we were playing. Jesus gazed at me with great fervor and said, “I’ve been waiting for this moment for so long.”
I continued to cry and to feel the presence of Jesus’ spirit in the room. As the image faded, I realized that Patricia was weeping also. She, too, was strongly aware of Jesus being there.
In retrospect, I think Paul was correct – I did have a mystical experience that extended over several days. In addition to the vivid images, I was also left with a confidence that Jesus would now be accessible to me. My spiritual life would be enriched by the addition of Jesus as older brother and guide to my more familiar experiences with the Spirit.
David H.
